Funny jokes text

Funny jokes text

Tax Evasion

jules: this is a neat prison movie
William: yeah
Jules: who is that prisoner now?
William: i don't know. but i think hes's for income taxt evasion.
Jules how you can tell?
william: by the number on his uniform.. 1040

Too late
Boss: I really hate myself today. i just fired the cashier.
Friend: You mean you are sorry. you did it?
Boos: No I am sorry I
didn't do it much sooner.

Mutual Feelings
Woman: If you were my husband i'd give you poison.
Man: If i were your husband i'd take it.

Sexfully Married
One of the prettiest and most popular of our young teachers recently announced
her engagement.Fellow teachers and pupils naturally heaped
good wishes upon her, but she was hardly prepared for a note from eight year old, whichch
read: " Dear miss Smith, I hope you have a happy and sExfully married life."

your friend,

mary


The Big Jump

The troops were being taught how to jump out of the plane.

Soldier: What if my parachute doesn't open?

Instructor: That is know as jumping in conclusion.


Lord saw u hungry so He created food. He saw u thirsty so He created H20. He saw u n d dark so He created light. He saw u alone so He created me.




LOLO at LOLA

Lolo and Lola having their breakfast in bed after sex.

Lola: Alam mo hanggang ngayon nag-iinit pa rin ang dib-dib ko sa iyo.

Lolo: Paanong hindi iinit yan eh, nakasawsaw and dede mo sa kape.

Bush and Erap
Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:

Bush: “Lets help one another…”

Erap: “Tayo’y magtulungan. ..”

Bush: “…let’s strive together…”

Erap: “…tayo’y magsikap…”

Bush: “…because in union there is strength.”

Erap: “…dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!”



TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio,

Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?

STUDENT: Ma’am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak

ng holiday! ?


Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime: Are you
free tonight?
The sexy secretary replies: Sir, ha… huwag naman, FREE…
Bibigyan na lang kita ng discount!



Girl: Maganda ba ko?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka…
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?! Tisay yata to!
Boy: Oo nga, pero ‘yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!



Sa isang ospital…
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!



si baby nakita na nagsesex sila mami....
Baby:mami ano ginawa mo kay dadi??
Mami:inupuan ko ung ahas para mamatay.....
Baby:mas matapang sau si Yaya kasi kanina
kinain nya ung ahas ni Dadi....


Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

A normal american guy bought the fastest and newest car ever created. He entered the car and turned on the radio ; He heard : "This Is London!" The man said : DAMN this thing is FAST!